TTT #58: TEXAS! WHOOOO!! *PewPewPew*

I would like to preface this entire blog post by saying that my girlfriend is from Texas.  My entire immediate and extended family were either born in Texas, or live in Texas.  I live 20 minutes from the Texas border along Interstate 10.  This blog is in jest...mostly.

To explain the title of the blog I will say this;  every time I talk about Texas is pantomime shooting guns in the air and scream Texas!!! Whooo!!! then I shoot my guns.  I find, throughout my extensive experience with Texans, this is a wholly accurate and completely faithful representation of how all of them act.  Except for that part in the middle that thinks it's Southern California.  That's a whole other blog post.

So, back to my girlfriend.  Ya see she grew up in Southeast Texas.  She went to a small school in a small town.  She loved country music. Loved.  Past tense.  Now that we have gone through the metal stages and pop punk stage and the emo stage she is a firm denier that she ever listened to, or liked for that matter, any country.  So this list of late 80's and early 90's country music is dedicated to my loving deluded girlfriend who still knows all the words.

Don't lie, you know you do.



TTT #58 Playlist
Twitter For Spotify Playlist



Anthemic

Boot Scootin' Boogie - Brooks & Dunn

I think this may be the unofficial Texas Anthem.  If you hang out with enough country boys you will eventually ask questions like:  What's with the hat?  Do you ever take those boots off?  How do you play baseball in snake skin boots, isn't that uncomfortable?

I have asked these questions numerous times.  Guns! Beer! Football!



Safe Room

Honky Tonk Man - Dwight Yoakam

Nothing says Honky Tonk Man like leather fringe.  I remember my sister Sherry absolutely loving fringe.  I distinctly remember a fringe jacket that she loved like a child.

On a completely different note, Dwight Yoakam is actually a pretty good actor.  He was in Safe Room as Crazy Dude That Never Takes Off His Mask Til The End Of The Movie and he was also in Sling Blade as target practice/douche bag.  Really good actor though.  Truly.



They Don't, Actually

All My Ex's Live In Texas - George Strait

While I don't believe all my Ex's live in Texas.  My ladies do tend to be FROM Texas.  If they all did live in Texas, however, I could definitely live out the rest of my days in Eastern Tennessee.  It really is very nice there.  I could go to Nashville for the Grand Ole Opry.  I could get a job at DollyWood.  I could also tell people not to go to Graceland because it's really in the ghetto and not worth the visit unless you are a super die hard Elvis fan.

Lock your valuables in your trunk though.  Seriously.  Do it now.



They Really Do Get That Drunk

I Don't Even Know Your Name - Alan Jackson

In the small towns of Texas there isn't a whole lot to do except drink and drive 4 wheelers/jacked up pick up trucks in the mud.  They really do get drunk enough to ask someone to marry them without knowing their name.  It's sort of like Vegas.  Except in Texas the couple stays together for the rest of their lives and raises more beer drinkers and hell raisers and NRA members.  Nothing wrong with it.  Just the way I think it goes down.



SOLD!

Sold (Grundy County Auction) - John Michael Montgomery

Two things:

1.  How can you not be a country singer with a name like John Michael Montgomery.
2.  This song is about slavery.



Sticky Sticky

Watermelon Crawl - Tracy Byrd

Could you imagine it begin so hot that the devil would sigh?  Come to Texas.  I think the devil would have a heat stroke in mid August.  Hottest place on Earth (not really) seriously (not really) it is though. (*shakes head*)

All I can remember about this song is that every one in the video was covered in watermelon juice and I was preoccupied that they would too sticky to function as people.



Slow It Down Y'all

Forever And Ever, Amen - Randy Travis

So does this mean he is a Honky Tonk Man too?

I think it does.




Remember Pay Phones?

Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares - Travis Tritt

Great song name.  I think it is up there with You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly and My Give A Damn is Busted.

I wonder if any of the women that I know are, or were,  attracted to men with mullets.   Someone, somewhere has too look at Travis Tritt in the 90's and think "What a fine piece of man meat."

If you are that someone, please, email me and let's talk about it, I have questions.



How Could I Not?

Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks

This is, by far, the bar anthem for Texas and Louisiana.  Well, at least the country anthem.  I would say that if you are a bar band and you want the crowd to sing with you, no matter what.  Play Friends In Low Places or Don't Stop Believing.  There are people that don't even like these songs that know all of the words.  It is just part of living in the area I think.

You really can't escape it.  Caaaaaause I've got friends  in low places....and the beeEEER chases...and I'll                (can't hit that note)  ok.....OOOOOOOOOOASSSSIS...               BEEEE




Well that's it for this week folks.  Hope you enjoyed taking a trip down my girlfriend's childhood.  I'm sure it won't be long before she goes all revisionist and tries to ret-con her childhood, but we all know the truth.  She can't hide it.

Love ya Beebs =)

KKNY signing off.

WHOOOOO!!!! TEXAS!!!!! *PewPewPewPew* BEER!!! FOOTBALL!!!! BIG STUFF!!! WHOOO!!!!